Rambling about Wrestling #6
WWE Smackdown: The Alternative Daredevil Duel to the Death (CM Punk v. Jeff Hardy 2009: From June to August Jeff Hardy was gaslit, gatekept and girlbossed.)
Characters: CM Punk, The Hardy Boys: (Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy)
Brief Mentions: The Elite: (Kenny Omega, Nick Jackson, Matt Jackson), Bryan Danielson, MJF, Edge, Batista, The Great Khali, John Morrison, Chris Benoit, Theodore "Teddy" Long, Triple H, The Undertaker, Chris Jericho
As most of you are aware, CM Punk is kind of an asshole. But that kind of "loveable asshole" trope you see on television. He's a good wrestler who is exceptionally talented on the microphone; he knows how to sell and move even better by increasing his training regimen as he ages. He has a lot of talent and history to work with to create an exciting storyline and character.
But he sucks.
The actual guy has kind of, maybe, an issue with feeling morally superior. Even years beyond his initial character, several WWE sources and some more recent incidents in AEW maintain the idea of him seeing himself as the designated leader. He's the one with the experience, whether through physical combat experience or wrestling tenure he deems it appropriate to tell other people what to do and what not to say. But some of his actions seem understandable; the fact that the group of The Elite (Kenny Omega, Nick Jackson, Matt Jackson) refuses to speak to him after their physical altercation shows that there is a good amount of turmoil behind the scenes and his desire to shift things in another direction by taking a leadership role is also entirely justifiable. But my goodness, I understand now. He's really hot in the late 2000s. I don't care about all that corporate background jazz happening now because I watched the Jeff Hardy (also hot) feud from 2009, and it made me a believer. No wonder he drove MJF insane; if I were a maladjusted teenage boy in the early 2010s* I would have made this man my entire personality.
*I was actually a maladjusted 6-year-old girl in 2009.
I want to clarify what I mean by "first WWE feud" It's pretty much the establishment of a semi-long-term rival—a feud between two guys that you can look back on and remember a match or two clearly. Most new WWE wrestlers get a basic start where they're just fighting a guy to get their name out there. Consider his start with ECW in 2005-2006, his fights with Chris Benoit, and later John Morrison in 2007. They need to show off and get in with the crowd before they can get some character development through storytelling; only then can they try out a rival and see if that works and cements them into the roster.
The freshest example in my mind of an antithesis rivalry is between Bryan Danielson and MJF. Still, there are plenty more examples, like Undertaker v. Steve Austin, BCC v. The Elite, and Brock Lesnar v. Roman Reigns. Everybody loves conflicting opinions of opposing personalities, similar backgrounds but different outcomes, etc. About the two I mentioned previously, Bryan is family-orientated; he has a loving wife and children and a well-working group of other characters with a strong relationship that is unlikely to break.*
*Looking back on this from 07/19/23, Bryan will not be too happy about that Elite and BCC handshake deal.
Bryan is talented and well-known and gets cheers even if he's on commentary. Max is a self-serving heel through and through; at the time of the feud, he was heartbroken because of his long-term relationship ending and hated by a majority of other characters for his ego. Unlike Bryan, he's egotistical, plain and simple, and he uses cheap shots at people to protect his image and opinions. With WWE, it's a little less complex, more reality-based feuds based around using personal struggle and relationship turmoil as plot fodder compared to the modern storylines based on understanding the morality and motivations of the actual person.
As we're all well aware, Punk doesn't like drugs, and Jeff has had a history with them. This was also two years into CM Punk, so he was in his prime basic character arc before time allowed him to grow and develop as a person. So we get a "better than you" morally superior gas-lighter and the irritated Jeff who just wants to be the champion in peace.
So Jeff won the Heavy Weight Championship in 2008. He's in a feud with Edge, and Triple H is there too, because when he does not have the belt, Triple H will always be involved in a match to get that belt. He keeps going with Edge, and they're back and forth. Edge gets the belt until RAW (06/30/08), and Punk cashes in his Money in the Bank briefcase after Edge gets smoked by Batista. That starts their rivalry because MITB is a cheap and spiteful way to win a belt. After all, it's a direct attack on the rival's character or the whole division. It's used to send a message; that's what happened in this situation. But then Chris Jericho, of all people, gets it back, but we skip to June 7th, 2009. Jeff beats Edge for it at Extreme Rules, but minutes after, Punk, with yet another MITB briefcase, cashes in and gets the belt.
Jeff Hardy works around being different than his competitors. He breaks through physical and symbolic barriers because you only live once, right? He's an artist through and through because it's 2009, and you need an emo guy who's sensitive and likes art because, quite honestly, it's charming in contrast to all of these jocks. But here's the issue, Punk does the same thing.
What do you mean he does the same thing even though I said they were directly contrasting, you might ask? Well, it's about physicality, movement, and behavior. By the late 2000s, they were toning down the meat heads and bringing in plain and simple "different" guys. Having smaller, more skill-orientated guys allows them to be unique through their personalities, acting on the mic, and acting in the ring. They don't have to be big anymore; they can act or move quickly, which maintains audience attention in contrast to big old guys repeatedly lugging around and performing the same moves. Punk is like Jeff because he's quick and skilled, yet he's more inclined towards a more violent way of fighting with his Muay Thai background instead of physically throwing himself off a ladder. That Muay Thai background is frequently mentioned in commentary as he lands successive blows with his crus. You could argue that they're similar skill-wise, and it's simply because they went down different company paths which makes them so different, Punk with ROH/ECW and Jeff with, at the time, WWE exclusively. They're attention grabbers, Jeff through stunts and Punk through words. But the parallel is a lifestyle.
One of the most notable conversations between the two is the aftermath of the eye injury during The Bash pay-per-view (06/28/09). Jeff inadvertently rakes him in the eye and "blindly" punts the ref in confusion, stopping the match and causing Punk to retain. Holding the belt and having his eye "injury," he makes it everyone's problem. He theatrically covers his eye through the match he was forced to tag with Jeff on (07/03/09). He avoids tagging in when needed, exaggerating his pain, and blindly moving his hands towards his face or away from Jeff.
SmackDown (07/10/09)
Jeff believes the injury is a façade so at the end, he pretends to get an eye injury and wears an eyepatch early into (07/10/09), pretending to also have an eye injury and mocking Punk's behavior before his next match, which triggers this monologue on the same day. Jeff mentions during his town hall while wearing a silk eye patch.
"Is almost as if he thinks I'm making this whole eye injury up. Unlike CM Punk, I do not make up injuries. Unlike CM Punk I do not kick referees in the back, and unlike CM Punk I do not forfeit matches."
He sets up the idea of him being a cheating coward who chooses to end the match out of selfishness. He is that; he's desperate to hold the belt and constantly wears it as he does his monologues and clutches it like a lifeline every time he wins and maintains. Towards the middle of the show, Jeff is in the commentary as Punk prepares to fight The Great Khali. An insulted Punk confronts Jeff, pointing out the incident with the eye patch before showing Jeff the bottle of medicated eye drops,
"This is polymyxin B sulfate. I have to apply this to my eye three times a day."
Jeff smiles at him with a mix of genuine contempt and amazement as he continues,
"The only way you obtain this is with a prescription, from a doctor. Now, I know you know a thing or two about prescription medication, what I don't think you realize is that you have to go to a doctor to legally obtain some."
"Unlike you Jeff, this is the only foreign substance I will allow in my body. So if you want to imitate my, why don't you try living a clean lifestyle? Why don't you try living a straight edge life style?"
He then brags about not having any suspensions or warnings and not having been to rehab before Jeff gets up to confront him, and then The Great Khali shows up for their match and smokes Punk. But we'll ignore that part because many large men stomped Punk into the dirt, and who knows why. Maybe some of the issues he has with wrestling authority stem from this? Anyways.
It's a complete back and forth; Jeff gets the belt, Punk is on the mic talking about being straight Edge, and Jeff is on the mic and talks about living in the moment. If I'm being sincere, it gets repetitive. But Punk proves himself with his words; he constantly gets a reaction out of the wrestler he's speaking to and the people in the crowd because he hits where it hurts; he mentions things that were kept behind closed doors, the personal private things that make people uncomfortable as well as constantly professing his moral superiority and nobody likes that. Jeff is the polar opposite; he wants people to enjoy themselves and live their lives, whether with alcohol, weed, painkillers, or just preferring to be straight Edge. He tries not to care about Punk's lifestyle and more or less respects it. He gets the belt back by July 26th, 2009, at Night of Champions. But Punk is just constant with the way he demeans him. Punk hits where it hurts everybody else he talks to, i.e., Teddy Long and John Morrison, but with Jeff, he constantly talks down to him and the crowd of mostly Jeff enjoyers, as seen on (08/07/09). This is also known as the "Just Say No" speech.
"All my empathy got is for you to love Jeff Hardy that much more than you already did-but this will not deter me. I will stay the course; I still believe in teaching you people the difference between right and wrong."
The crowd chants loudly for Jeff, but he continues; nothing deters him despite the chorus of boos.
"You gravitate towards Jeff because it's the easy way out. It's easier to be weak like Jeff because you sure can't be strong like me."
He explains that he's a leader, someone who has dignity and respect and is a much better contender for champion compared to someone as "weak" as Jeff Hardy as he prepares to fight him in the opening match. Jeff greets the crowd, made up predominantly of children, before Punk jumps him, and they both start railing on each other before security comes in to pull them apart, and a frazzled Long tries to keep them from jumping at each other. Then a nonchalant Vince McMahon comes out and gives the two a match with a mystery special enforcer to keep order during the match, and it's Matt Hardy.
Let me specify a disgustingly tanned Matt Hardy enters the ring. Jeff enters second and questions Matt while he refuses to make eye contact with his brother. Don't get me wrong, I love family feuds, but I just don't like Matt. And anyway, I'm not talking about him. The two have their fight, but Matt intervenes and secures Jeff a win, to the frustration of Punk, who guillotines Jeff with a chair.
We had some time to spare after that debacle, and during that (08/14/09), The Hardy Boys reunited, which is honestly really sweet. And Matt stays in Jeff's corner up until the very end... that end being two weeks later. Oops.
SmackDown (08/21/09)
This is right before the Summer Slam TLC match between Punk and Jeff. And this interaction is the one that stuck with me. At this point, Jeff got the belt back from Punk. And he gives his monologue, stating his happiness at being back with his brother again, and assures the crowd that he won't retire. He climbs to the top of the ladder where the world heavyweight championship hangs in wait.
"Basically, in a weird way, what I'm trying to say is that CM Punk; it's going to take a lot more than a steel chair to stop me from competing at SummerSlam and beating you in T-L-C!"
The crowd cheers for Jeff, and Punk enters. Jeff looks at him with a neutral expression, and Punk looks up with a smile.
"Hey Jeff. Aren't you nervous being up there? So... high. Especially in the condition you're in. I mean, the fact that you're probably drunk right now. Just like all of these people here tonight."
The crowd hisses loudly. Jeff looks down at him with a contempt smile.
"You'd have to be under the influence to stomach this "live in the moment" crap that you spew. What's living in the moment ever gotten you Jeff?"
He demeans the crowd for supporting Jeff and Jeff himself for craving adoration.
"Listen Jeff, they actually believe you can beat me at Summer Slam."
"So do I." Jeff responds to more cheers.
"Jeff, I have to get rid of you to teach these people right and wrong. I have to get rid of you, to teach them how to say-just say no, I have to get rid of you so they stop living in your moment and they wake up and start living in my reality. Make no mistake about it Jeff, there's no turning back from this point on. You can talk about the space from the ladder to this mat but from here on out, there's nothing left. At Summer Slam, I will hurt you. And I will remove you and the stain of all your bad examples from the WWE forever."
What I love about all this is that he talks to Jeff like a kid. Constantly referring to him by name in everything he says, he talks like he's educating someone who doesn't know what they're doing, though Jeff is technically his senior, considering his time at WWE. He deems the idea of having supporters to be ridiculous, which only enables Jeff to become even worse because he doesn't know any better due to being inhibited by alcohol and or drugs. He demeans him, it's the superiority complex thing I mentioned earlier, and this is the first kind of instance he uses it to get the whole better-than-you-think started that inevitably became the best in the world thing. But Jeff is an adult; he retorts to Punk.
"Punk, you can't destroy me; you can't destroy what I created over my ten years here-
You won't beat me at Summer Slam Punk- I will prove that I am better than you in my specialty, tables, ladders, and chairs."
Punk smirks at him yet again; Jeff is still not amused.
"You're right, you're-Jeff, you know what? You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. Because you need them to enable you, you need them to justify your reckless behavior with their support and their cheers-"
"They try in vain to live vicariously through a man who by way of his lifestyle can think he can fly." Jeff responds,
"Punk I don't think I can fly, my spirit knows I can." He says triumphantly and is met with the cheers of the crowd.
Punk pushes off Jeff from the ladder and lands on his feet; he then kicks Punk and poses victoriously. Punk later beats Jeff and gets the belt at Summer Slam before getting attacked by The Undertaker. I have a whole thing about him, so wait on that. But then we finally get to,
SmackDown (08/28/09)
The feud is ending, and the vibe I'm getting from the characters, my interpretation, is that they both want it done. Punk is egotistical, and he wants it done. He's moving on to bigger competitors and more prominent, long-term storylines with his mentions of a "conspiracy" held by the higher-ups being placed against him, the first-ever straight edge world championship, and an attack by The Undertaker. He looks confused as the crowd of, once again, primarily children cheer as Jeff enters the ring.
"Out here on your high horse, on self-righteousness. Once again, preaching as if the three most important words in the English language are "just say no. Where tonight, there are three words that are far more important, steel-cage-match."
The crowd cheers, and Punk smiles and laughs,
"Jeff Jeff, I know you're probably intoxicated right now. Exactly-exactly I mean, how intoxicated are you?"
He holds up his fingers, waving them around in front of Jeff's face.
"What did you take? What did you put in your body to get the guts to walk down that isle and face me in this ring, huh?"
He asks Jeff if he took any painkillers as the crowd would. He insults them and feels insulted because of the constant booing by the young children, who fill the stands cheering for Jeff.
"Jeff. One of us doesn't belong here anymore."
He offers to have a loser leave the WWE cage match, and Jeff agrees.
"-It proves that straight Edge means I'm better than you. And it will just force these people to open their eyes to being straight Edge. Because their hero, their enabler, won't be here anymore."
"Uh, I don't know, that's risky that's risky that's crazy, YOU'RE ON!"
Jeff sounded confident, excited even, at possibly getting rid of Punk. At this point, the character was tired; it was a constant back and forth for the belt, and with Punk getting it back yet again, the very spray-tanned Jeff finally snapped at him. They're done; they're tired of the back, and forth they have had for the past 1 and 1/2 months. With an ultimatum secured by Teddy Long, the two prepare for the match. The crowd cheers as Jeff enters first; men, women, and children cheer and clap as Jeff dances his way into the cage. Punk jumps him, and they get into the cage, and of course, Punk wins.
"This isn't goodbye forever, this is only goodbye for now."
The usual sweet goodbye message, the camera cuts between children with wet eyes and tears streaming down the faces of young women. He gives away his shirt and touches the hands of the crowd, who cheer as he exits. Punk decks him with the back of the belt, stands triumphant, and then loses to The Undertaker a month later.
So, what do we learn from this? Well, MJF is right; this guy sucks. But he's so good at sucking. He demeans everyone he works with, even the bare-bones better-than-you character he started as until the end of his run at WWE in 2013. He's just like this; he's like this during Collision. But he's the perfect modern-day heel because instead of kissing wives and punching sons, he treats everyone like a child. He talks down to everyone, and with Jeff, he treats him like a kid, and it's so just horrible and insulting, and that makes me love it even more. The cruelest way you could treat someone is by demeaning them, reminding them of their faults and insecurities, their inability to control their own life, and outright saying how they cope with their situation is wrong. He treats Jeff like this because it makes the character of Jeff snap at him; the laid-back Hardy, who keeps to himself and does his stunts, finally yells at Punk because he is tired of three months of back and forth. Jeff gets the belt and is finally satisfied before Punk somehow snakes himself back into the number-one contender slot. He drives people to their breaking point; they get tired of his constant spewing of negativity. How many characters have just plain snapped and tackled him? I could honestly list a few after doing my research. But anyways, this guy has to be the best of the worst. He's made his impact, and so has Jeff; maybe the two could have one final duel. I think they hate each other now a days, because of Matt. But what do I know?